So, so much has been going on lately. I'm finally feeling like I'm moving past so much of the stuff that was putting me in a funk. I recently started my second round of P90X and I'm feeling really good about it. I feel stronger and like I can do a little bit more than the last round. I feel like this is the time in my life where I really need to be working out and getting back into shape. As we get older our metabolism slows down, and just being a woman is rough. That whole annoying, women have fat over their muscle - men have muscle over their fat thing....something annoying about having to bare children and what not, LOL!! But this is also the time in my life where I'm the busiest and a day will literally fly by me and I have haven't worked out. And I swear its not one of those things i'm avoiding...although one could point out that I'm sitting here putting a blog entry in...yes I see the irony in that. But I have a four and two year old!! And neither of them are in the napping stage anymore. Fun! They do however play nice and will take "quiet times" with a movie or something...so that's helpful.
But anyway, I'm working out and doing really well with my eating and feeling good. I'm in some smaller jeans and I have had people say to me their notice the change. But my stomach....ugh...I don't know about anyone else but this whole having two kids thing has really wreaked havoc on my stomach. I do, however, want to point out that I was never a waif of a thing. Even when I was at my most active, as a dancer, I was never really a beanpole. And I know I could never be physical enough to get back to that point. I've just got to figure out what is a realistic goal for me. And I don't weigh really weigh myself. I got into the habit of not weighing myself when I was a dancer. Muscle weighs more than fat...so when I would hear all these girls at school talking about how much they weighed and I always weighed more than them...even though i didn't look like I really did....it suddenly dawned on me that that was because muscle weighs more. And I realize doing this p90x thing will be a process of slimming down and building muscle so i can't really weigh myself...I mean, i guess i could but I know it would just frustrate me. I would get frustrated in the dance world because now ballerinas are skinny with no boobs. i would love to have been a dancer in the 1700s. Man, I would have been a star man!! Sorry people, i can't do anything about my boobs.
So then I figure...well, I'll go by clothing size. I still have some of my pre-baby clothes that I've kept for inspiration. Then I hear all these news stories about how stores are playing around with their sizing. So even if I get back into the clothes pre-baby, they won't necessarily be the same size in the store because they've been messing around with the sizes. I mean, think about it for a second....my mom at her skinniest was 5'7" 112 lbs and wore like a size 6. I mean, come on people?!!! That is ridiculous! You ask your moms or grandmas...they will tell you that there was no such thing as a size 2 or 0. I mean, how selfish and self-centered of a society have we become. We've got this obsession with being "healthy" and "skinny" and society is so messed up. Yes we live longer and healthier lives...but do we really happier lives? We are obsessed, counting calories and working out...but then we put our kids in front of video games and the television and force education down their throats at a younger and younger age. We've created this whole generation of unsocial, computer focused, our idea of "educated" kids, who count calories, have eating disorders and self-image issues and are having sex and sexual encounters at a younger and younger age.
yes, I want to be healthy and yes I will continue to work out and try to eat healthy. But I hope that I also live a happy life. I want to teach my kids to eat the good stuff as well as the fun stuff...to run around and play and be active, they are beautiful (and handsome, respectively) no matter what they look like and no matter what size they are.
If you haven't read "Hungry" by Crystal Renn....stop what you're doing and go out right now and find it! Instantly!!! I read this book and it really encouraged me and reinforced how I always knew I felt and thought. A friend recommended it to me and now I tell everyone I know to go out and read it.
So I guess the question is...Are you Happy?
